Although a daunting task, even for the most confident of poets and public speakers, deciding to write your own vows can add a very personal and emotional touch to your celebration, creating an intimate space for only the two of you, regardless of how many people you are standing in front of.
Whether you and your partner are having a small celebration, or you are standing in front of your entire family and friends, the vows that you make to each other during your ceremony are the true meaning of what your whole wedding day is for. The words that you say to each other in this moment are the foundations of your marriage and will carry through the future of your relationship.
Be warned – this is a big undertaking! But the rewards really are worth it. Here is some advice and tips on how to successfully write and read your wedding vows to each other.
Writing Your Vows
Make Sure you are on the Same Page
Firstly, you both need to agree that you would like to write your own vows. You may find that one of you is more apprehensive than the other and it’s important to make sure you are both comfortable with the decision. Although you may choose not to share your vows with each other before your wedding day, this doesn’t mean that you can’t tackle this experience together and use it as a way to bond and connect as the day draws closer.
Set the Tone
Be sure to set boundaries with each other about what is and is not acceptable. While there is a place for humour, nobody wants to end up feeling embarrassed or oversharing. You know each other better than most people, so have an open and honest discussion about the tone of your vow and remember that these words are for each other – your aim may be to make your partner laugh, but not necessarily all your guests too. Make sure to also agree on roughly how long your vows should be – this way you both have an even balance when it comes to your expectations.
Make Promises
Your vows are your opportunity to publicly commit to your partner and to make promises you intend to keep. Be realistic – try to avoid words such as forever, always and never – such definitive language is hard to live up to. You don’t need to promise perfection, just let your partner know that you are committed to them and your future together, whatever that future may bring. Don’t be afraid to promise the simple things either – it may be that you endeavor to be the assigned spider catcher, or be willing to watch old tv show repeats without question!
Make it Personal
Tell your story. You may want to express how you felt when you first met, or when you realised you were falling in love. Your relationship will be full of experiences, moments, feelings and thoughts, why not share one or two of these in your vows and how they have shaped you as a couple. You may end up sharing something that your partner is completely unaware of, and vice versa!
For Better, For Worse
While you don’t have to adopt traditional vows, there is no reason why you can’t take inspiration from them, and there is a reason why they have become a tradition. Whichever words you choose, your vows are a promise to each other to always be there, regardless of the circumstances. Marriage is a journey which will inevitably have peaks and valleys – recognise this, and vow to be with each other in the darkest times as well as the light ones.
You Are Not Alone
It’s important to acknowledge your guests, not just as witnesses to your marriage, but as your family and friends. The people that you have asked to be present on your wedding day are there for a reason, because you value them as important parts of your lives and want them to be present when you make this commitment to each other. While your vows should primarily focus on each other, remember to take a moment to appreciate the support you have from those around you when making these promises.
Tips On How To Tackle Writing Your Vows
- Take your time
Whatever you do – don’t leave it till the last minute! Set a timescale with your partner for when you are both going to have your vows ready – ideally at least a couple of weeks before your wedding day. If you are struggling to find inspiration, the last thing you want to do is avoid getting something down on paper – this will only increase your stress levels as it draws closer to the day. Confide in your partner if you are finding it difficult, or a close friend if you would prefer.
- Be inspired
Use everything you can for inspiration, be it songs, books, poetry, films, the list is endless! You may have some favourites of these which have a special meaning to you as a couple – don’t be afraid to use them as a starting point to build from.
- Make a list
Start by jotting down any thoughts and feelings you have and keep adding to this list for as long as you choose. Keep revisiting your notes and then you can start work on drafting the first copy. This is a great base for your vows, you can then start editing, moving things around and adding more as you wish to. Just remember – you can’t include everything, there just isn’t enough time. Be selective when it comes to anecdote and stories and aim to strike a balanced mix of sentiment, humour, promises and acknowledgement.
- Practice
We really would recommend practicing your vows – out loud preferably! You may choose to do this on your own, or in front of a trusted friend or family member. Practice will certainly help settle the unexpected but undoubtable wedding day jitters, and the more practice you have the more confident you will be on the day. Reading your vows aloud will also help you learn to pace your speaking – allow pauses for emotion, for laughter, or just to compose yourself before carrying on. Preparation will help you deliver the vows you envisioned – without rushing through it or stumbling over your words.
- Your finished vows
Once you are happy with your final draft, consider making a fresh copy, or invest in a small booklet that you can write them in and read from on the day. This will avoid any rogue pieces of paper potentially being misplaced, and also creates a lovely keepsake from your ceremony.
We hope that helps with your vows – good luck!